More Examples of Gender-Based Microaggressions

Regarding physical appearance

“Every now and then you have that one person say you look really nice today, you look really beautiful. Or something weird like that. They think they're being nice. But I’m thinking you don't even need to say that. It’s a little weird.” says Megan, senior product Director of a large healthcare organization.

“It started off my first day in the Navy. I was a lawyer up in Whidbey Island, Washington. My first client walked into my office and said, I heard there was a new blonde up at legal. And it just set the tone. I went, wow, I just went through law school, did all my Navy training, and that's the first thing I hear. I'm the new blonde up at legal,” says Nicole, CEO of a large non-profit organization.

“A male leader told me, you will never be an executive leader because you do not wear enough makeup or do enough with your hair. And I was heartbroken because it's just not who I am. I am not going to spend a ton of time putting a ton of makeup on every day, just not gonna happen, not who I am. And at first I thought I needed to change and then I was like, I'm not changing,” says Angela, CEO of a healthcare organization.

Regarding equal pay

“Professionally I think equal pay is not quite there yet,” says Heather, CFO of an investment company

Regarding working harder

“I think we've been conditioned to hear an authoritative tone in a man's voice or their use of words of aggression.  So when you're a woman in a conversation with a bunch of men, your voice, because you don't have that same tone or approach, often gets overwritten and it’s not not necessarily intentional. I've been in many meetings where it's been five, six men and me in a room and I'm the last person to have a say or I am cut off because I don't have the loudest voice,” says Megan.

“I hear a common thread from women of a constant need to prove themselves. Men don't have that. A lot of times we feel that constant need to prove that we should be in that room or prove that we should be the CEO, as opposed to the guy who just assumes he should be,” says Nicole.

“Throughout my career, I've tried to follow sports so I know at least what men are talking about but I don't do that anymore.  But, you can be sure that there's almost no man that thinks of what they should do to connect with women. I'm generalizing, but if a man is going out to sell something to a woman, he's not thinking about what he should read up on so that he can chit chat with her,” says Heather.

Regarding gender roles:

Melissa, Vice President of a Direct Marketing company shared that in meetings, she has often been expected to take on administrative roles, such as setting up the next meeting and ordering lunches. However, due to diversity and inclusion mandates, she has noticed that men are becoming more aware of it and are also offering.

Regarding poor attempts to fix the problem

“And then there’s when my CEO says, hey guys, and then stops himself and says Oh, I can't call them guys, I have to call them girls,“ says Megan.

“Men have to have the same amount of paternity time that women have maternity time, otherwise it's discrimination. First of all, that costs the company a lot of money. Second of all, the intent of it is for the men to have a gap in their career so the women don't get behind because the study showed that when women take these leaves, they get behind their peer group. So the idea is, if you level the playing field and the men take it too, then it's more equal.  But it's still not without a cost and I don't know if it really sets the men back,” says Heather. 

“A woman at my daughter’s work took all the gals to lunch and unofficially said to them, okay, girls, here's my advice. Freeze your eggs. You can be sure that the guys aren't even thinking about stuff like that. So I think it's just hard. I don't know how it'll ever get solved, but I think that's a hard personal thing,” says Heather.

Note: The names of the female executives cited in this article were changed to protect their privacy and the privacy of their companies.